Confidence is Not Vanity

Over the course of my 32 years of life I have read self-improvement book after self-improvement book. Each one different than the one before, but sharing the same overall ideas: eat healthy, get enough sleep, chase your dreams, get hobbies, be grateful and so on and so forth. And each one focused on how happiness comes from the inside… how all that matters is what’s on the inside… change your insides and change your life.

Then I read, “Girl, Stop Apologizing.” by Rachel Hollis and that anthem changed. Part 3 Skill 2 is about confidence and how confidence matters. While she acknowledges and agrees that inner beauty and confidence is extremely important she also recognizes that feeling good about your outer beauty is also important. How you feel about how you look DOES matter. Every single person feels more confident when they like the way they look.

I cannot tell you how long I sat there letting that sink in. For so long we have it drilled in to our skulls that beauty is on the inside and to stop worrying and carrying so much about our physical appearance. And here is this iconic woman calling bull shit. And the thing is… she isn’t wrong! Now, I’m not saying that physical appearance is everything. I’m not saying that it’s the key to happiness or to throw away all the motivational input on inner beauty. Doing the things that make us good people and radiate from the inside out are so important. But feeling good about ourselves on the outside? It’s important too.

Wanting to look your best in order to feel your best is not vain. It’s normal. It’s admirable. And the thing about it is… we are in control of how we look. Literally. We get to decide what hair style we like, what clothing style we prefer, if we like make up or bare skin… etc. We get to decide how we want to look in order to make ourselves feel more confident.

For me that means spending $50 a year to keep my teeth white. Lounging around my house in ball gowns. Spending a little more on hair care so I can have fun colors throughout the year. It means avoiding jeans and tight t shirts at all costs. It means never leaving my house without eyeliner and mascara. These few things? These few things boost my confidence through the roof. And that is worth it to me. That is not vain. That is self-care.

So next time you’re getting a blow out at the salon, running 5 miles before work, putting on your favorite sweat pants, getting a boob job, throwing your hair in a messy bun…. whatever it is…I want you to remember this one thing:

When you like the way you look… you will love the way you feel.

Self-care is not vanity. It’s confidence.

Do you, Girl.

Do what makes YOU feel beautiful. F*ck everyone elses opinion.