Family Care *Que Clap*

Back in 2019 I wrote an article about how self-care is self-preservation and the important role it plays in our lives. As 2021 is literally a day away I thought I might take a moment to share my updated thoughts on this idea.

Self-care IS absolutely important. That is why we see article after article and book after book pushing this idea on us. The constant reiteration that we need to make time for ourselves, to nurture ourselves inside and out, and give ourselves the self-love we so desperately need. However, one thing I have noticed over the last year is that I’m not seeing nearly as many articles talking about family-care. And that’s what I want to talk about now.

I have spent the last year focusing on inner growth. I’ve made time for quiet, relaxing baths. I’ve read book after book on self-improvement. I’ve studied hard and applied what I’ve learned. And I’d like to think I’m a better human because of it. I’m more open to admitting my faults, I’m quicker to apologize, and I’m slower to anger. And all of these things have helped me be a better mother, mate, and friend. But through it all I couldn’t help but shake the feeling that it wasn’t enough, that I was still missing something.

I was. I was missing family-care. I realized that it was just as important to carve out time for family care as it was for self-care. Yes, finding the time for a 20 minute relaxing bath is important, but so is making time for 20 minutes to play play-doh with my five year old or watch my 10 year old build a castle on minecraft. Finding the time to read a new book is important to me, but so is carving out a few extra minutes to tell my future husband how much I appreciate him and all he does for our family.

I’ve spent the last week experimenting with this and it has already changed the atmosphere in our home drastically. I’ve made it a point to spend a few minutes every evening after work showing each of my children personal interest and at first they didn’t seem to notice, but within a few days they’ve seemed more excited to reach out to me and include me in their activities. And that feels… well, it feels special.

So for the first month of 2021 I made my usual “self-care” goals list with things like “finish my book”, “work out 3x a week”, and “paint my nails and curl my hair” but then I also did something new. I made a family care goals list. I printed out a blank calendar and I filled in all the empty spots with things like “movie night”, “color a picture together”, “read a book together and talk about what happened in it”, bake together”, “play with legos”, “emotions ball toss”, etc. I filled out a few more extra blank spots so we could start it before January. And I am excited about it.

I know that not every idea I wrote down will be a win for everyone involved and I know that maybe we won’t do one every single night, but I made it anyways and we’re doing our best with it anyways. Because family-care is just as important as self-care. Because making our family feel loved and important and special is just as important as taking care of our own mental and emotional health.

Fill your cup and then share it with the ones you love. <3