There is Power in Not Caring

Over the last 7 years I have struggled with anxiety and PTSD. I have not always been honest with myself or those around me about this. In fact, up until two years ago I was not even willing to admit that I had PTSD. I didn’t want to be different. I did not want what he did to me to have a lifelong impact on me. He did not deserve that much power over my life anymore.

But, this IS my life. It IS a part of who I am now. Most days you will never know this. You will see me smiling and going about my business seemingly normal and fine. You will not witness my break downs. You will not see me sitting on my floor with a drink in my hand and tears streaming down my cheeks, because I can’t seem to “pull myself together.” And that is not because I don’t have those moments anymore. I do. There are still times when the world is too heavy and I cannot bare the weight of my emotions or my past any longer. But those days continue to become farther and farther apart.

I am slowly healing… slowly conquering my demons and letting go of my past. It’s not something that happens over night or a switch you can just flip off or on at will. It takes time, patience and dedication. And sometimes I hate that. If I could flip a switch and forget the pain I absolutely would. But that’s not how reality works. So instead I’ve had to learn (and continue to learn) something cathartic: The power of not caring.

I know that sounds absurd. We spend our whole lives being taught to care about this thing and that thing and having our hearts and minds tugged in 100s of different directions. But honestly, where does that leave us at the end of the day? It leaves us exhausted… feeling completely spent with our own cup left empty. And friends, we cannot pour from an empty cup.

And THAT is why there is power in not caring. We cannot spend our lives caring for every little detail in every little thing. It will wipe us out entirely. We must choose carefully who and what we want to care for. This requires practicing rerouting our own brains. When the world throws things at us and begins to tug is in different directions we need to be able to say, “Stop. No, these things are not important- THIS is important.” When our own minds begin to bring up past pains and traumas we must be able to say, “Stop. This is old news and I do not care to relive old pain again.”

It’s a hard journey, but we continuously make it harder on ourselves by caring too much about our past and our future. We forget to be in the moment. To be present in the right now. To feel what is happening currently. When we can learn to stay in the moment, to refocus and re-center our minds when they drift… only then can we learn to be happy and truly control our anxieties and hurt. There is a time and place for negative emotions. Allow them when they are in the present and necessary- but then move forward.

Choose to leave past pain in the past. Choose to leave anxious fears alone in the future. Choose to be present. Choose the power of caring less.

The pain is real. But if you want to heal... you must learn to care less.